Tuesday, September 14, 2010

11 days 'til my first half marathon...

  • 29 days since a right calf injury (August 16)
  • 32 days since my last "real" run (3 miles) (August 12)
  • 8 weeks (56 days!) since my last long run of 10 miles (July 27)
Since the injury I have run...
  • 1 (ONE!!!) mile twice (September 5 & 7)
The past four weeks have been filled with so many emotions. I have wanted to blog about it all, but I have been too down about it. My initial reaction when I sustained the injury was, "Okay, IF I can't run the half, then James (DH) will just run it." He completed his first full marathon in June; I'm fairly confident he'll be able to finish it. However, I just knew that I would be so disappointed to not complete what I started. I knew I would have to rest this injury. I knew it would take time. I knew if I went out too early and tried to run again I could possibly injure myself permanently! What I didn't know was how hard it would be to NOT run! Driving the kids to school, I would spot a runner logging her miles and get a little sad. I wanted to run! I visited my favorite running blogs . I read about Tonia's crushing the block. So motivational! I always feel so much more capable after reading her posts. I wanted to go out and log miles right then and there! As I read Jamie's Sweet Weekend and a 20 mi Training Run, I wanted to grab one of MY cute bondi bands and RUN...but not 20 miles! Reading Katye's Running, Remembering, and Never Ever Forgetting, brought tears to my eyes and more importantly made me want to dedicate some miles to those lost and all of those who sacrifice for my freedom! Finally about a week and a half ago, I made the decision. James would not be running this half. This is my race! I decided that I didn't care if I couldn't run this half. If running was out of the question, I would walk it! This is my race and I will be completing it! So, I tested a few one milers. My calf felt okay Monday after my Sunday run. Ran another one miler on Tuesday. Wednesday morning, I went to Bikram Yoga (which I LOVE, btw!). That very afternoon my calf was touchy, but in a slightly different spot. I thought it was a warning from the Tuesday run. Went back to yoga on Thursday, Friday and Monday morning. Those sessions made me realize that my right calf is significantly weaker that my left. In certain standing poses, I can hold it great on the left foot, but am really wobbly on the right. It also helped me realize that the discomfort I felt near my right calf is now not from my injury, rather from using small muscle groups in yoga. It's playing a nice counter balance for my weakness in my right calf where the injury was. This revelation has left me with the confidence that I think I could go out for a decent (test) run...say 5 miles. BUT (and this is a big BUT in my head), is it too little too late. Given how little I've run in the last four weeks and how long it's been since my last long run, I just don't know how I will handle it all. I feel like I've lost a ton of cardiovascular fitness. My quads, hamstrings, glutes and calves don't feel as strong as they were feeling 4 weeks ago. Simply said, I just don't know if I can pull off this half marathon. Self doubt is rearing it's ugly head in the most vicious way! I want to do it...I was feeling so strong, so fit! Now I'm feeling so....BLAH! It's not like I have been laying around doing nothing this past month. I've been keeping up with my usual cross training. I added in yoga. But it's just not running! I waiver on an hour to hour basis at this point as to whether or not I think I can actually pull this off...what would you do?

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